I'm pants shitting drunk right now
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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