this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
