Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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