i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
