im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
