Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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