You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
