Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
