its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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