I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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