yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
