I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
