don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
