I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
