ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
