I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
