K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
