I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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