We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
