So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
