You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
