Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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