just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
