Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
