im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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