he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
