There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
