Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
