This is not my ceiling
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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