So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
