i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
