Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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