I am in a vortex of obligation.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
wow bdsm is so cute
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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