I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
