i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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