How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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