The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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