sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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