oh god the rape fog is back!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
