when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
