We won't sleep together?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize