My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
