I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
