Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
