dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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