She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
