I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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