just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
