Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
