Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
