Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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