My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
