i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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