obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
