saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
