make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
