Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize