Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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