i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
