we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
