so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
