i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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