I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
