Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize