:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
