he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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