I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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