Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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