and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
