yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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