I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
