ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My cat gives me a boner
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
